You said:
Can you rewrite the sermon on the mount as spoken by Donald trump?
ChatGPT said:
ChatGPT
Sure! Here’s a reimagining of the Sermon on the Mount (from Matthew 5-7) as if it were delivered in the style of Donald Trump’s speech patterns:
The Sermon on the Mount (Trump Version)
Matthew 5:3-12 (The Beatitudes)
“Look, folks, let me tell you something — blessed are the poor in spirit, okay? They’re gonna get the Kingdom of Heaven. And it’s a tremendous Kingdom, by the way, just tremendous.
Blessed are those who mourn. You know, a lot of people are mourning. I get it. Sad stuff. But they’re gonna be comforted, believe me.
Blessed are the meek. Now, some people don’t like meek, but trust me, they’re gonna inherit the Earth. I’ve done very well with land, folks, I know what I’m talking about.
Blessed are the folks who are hungry and thirsty for righteousness. They’re gonna be filled. They’re not hungry for long, believe me.
Blessed are the merciful — and I’ve shown a lot of mercy, folks — they’re gonna get mercy, too.
Blessed are the pure in heart, just the best people. Beautiful hearts, okay? They’re gonna see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers. I’ve made so many deals. Nobody makes peace like me. They’ll be called sons of God, and they deserve it.
And blessed are those who get persecuted for righteousness. You know, some people get treated very unfairly — I know about unfair treatment — but theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
And let me tell you, folks, when people insult you or lie about you because of me — and believe me, they lie all the time — you’re blessed. Be happy! Be very happy! You’ve got a great reward waiting in Heaven. Just huge.”
Matthew 5:13-16 (Salt and Light)
“You are the salt of the Earth. You’ve got value. But if salt loses its taste, it’s worthless, folks. Total disaster. Thrown out, trampled underfoot. Not good!
And you, you’re the light of the world. A city on a hill — we love cities on hills, don’t we? Can’t be hidden. No one puts a lamp under a basket, folks, they put it on a stand so it gives light to everyone. Let your light shine. Believe me, people will see your good works and glorify God. Big time.”
Matthew 6:19-21 (Treasure in Heaven)
“Listen, folks, don’t store up your treasure here on Earth where, you know, the moths and rust — terrible, terrible stuff — it destroys everything. Thieves break in, they steal. We don’t like that.
Store your treasure in Heaven, okay? No moths, no rust, no thieves. Very secure, believe me. Where your treasure is, that’s where your heart is. I know a lot about treasure, folks.”
Matthew 7:1-5 (Judging Others)
“Judge not, folks, so you don’t get judged. Because the way you judge others? That’s how you’re gonna be judged. Trust me on this.
Why are you so worried about the speck in your brother’s eye, but you don’t even notice the big, huge log in your own? It’s unbelievable.
First, take the log out of your own eye, then you can see clearly to help your brother with his speck. Smart people understand this.”
Matthew 7:24-27 (The Wise and Foolish Builders)
“So listen, everyone who hears these words of mine and does them? They’re like a wise man who built his house on the rock. Solid foundation. The rain came, the floods hit, the winds blew — total chaos, folks — but that house didn’t fall. Why? Built on rock.
Now, the people who hear these words and don’t do them? Total failure. They’re like the guy who builds his house on sand. The rain came, the floods hit, the winds blew — and it crashed. Huge crash. We don’t like losers.”
This version keeps the structure and key messages of the Sermon on the Mount while infusing Trump's rhetorical style, such as his use of repetition, hyperbole, and conversational tone. Let me know if you'd like to adjust any part!
